On My Mind

I have not been doing so well the last several weeks. I have been stressed out at work, at church, and I am just worn out. In the back of my mind for weeks has been reliving those same days from last year and so many unexpected awful, tragic things that happened to me and my family and friends. You can read my blog post from a year ago tomorrow on Easter Sunday here.

It is hard to relive all of that. I will post my blog from 2 days after this one in a few days; its just crazy how God knows the words you will need to sometimes speak to yourself because things only got worse over the next few days between April 10-16th last year. My heart breaks when I think about it and I know this week is going to be hard. At the same time my faith was built deeper and stronger through a lot of testing last year.

I have no idea really what specifically is God's purpose for my life, or at least how He will carry it out. I know I am here to bring glory to His name and spread the truth of His Gospel to those who don't know Him. I have been studying a book called "no other gods" by Kelly Minter and it has been SO good for this time of my life. My own goals for my life should never be a god or something I put before God's purpose for my life. Would I really love to move out of my parents house and closer to downtown so I could be near my friends? Yes!! Would I really love to have a job working as an interior designer like I went to school for?" YES! Would I really love to get married sometime in the near future (like before I'm 30)? Yes I would! But I know I often idolize those things and envy what others have when really God has His own purpose and plan for my life that I don't quite understand but I have to trust in it. However I have been extremely grumpy and frustrated lately because I have been getting in the way of believing that. If I would just remember what I learned last year about God's sovereignty and faithfulness it might help me to get through this seemingly unending trial that has been going on for 4 years now of trying to figure out what direction I'm going in.