Vicious Cycle

This weekend I am frustrated with my life, yet again. I am incredibly blessed with family and friends in my life and a decent job, an amazing church, food on the table, and shelter over my head. But life is just not easy. I am exhausted most of the time because I am constantly traveling to and fro all over Houston from home to work to social things and it just wears me out. Literally from Friday morning to 1:00 Sunday afternoon I was only home to sleep at night, the rest of the time I was gone. I was already beat at the end of Friday night and then I had to work Saturday and it was a really really busy day. Then I went to a baseball game after that and got home late again. I woke up for church today and had a huge headache and just felt exhausted. I skipped lunch with friends to go home and take a nap. I slept for two hours without waking up once.

So much of my life is spent in the car, and I practically live out of it. Whenever I have something after work that I have to stay in town for I pack a bag with a change of clothes and everything I need to freshen up and sometimes workout clothes if I have time. I do that 3 or 4 days of the week most weeks and I'm like man it sure would be convenient to like have an apartment around here. Oh wait. Too broke for that. I just keep asking God, How many more YEARS do I have to keep doing this? August marks 3 years since I started commuting to church, and 2 years since I started commuting to my job also. That is a LONG time and a lot of miles. It just seems sometimes like this is neverending.

Beyond the sheer exhaustion is the fact that I spend so much money on food. I eat out all the time. I am only home a couple nights a week to eat and even then we don't always cook for those meals. Anytime I have something 2 hours after work I have to grab dinner somewhere and it racks up the money. It is very easy for me to spend $30-40+ on dinner out every week because I have no other choice. It is more and more challenging to not only try to eat at cheap places but to also eat healthy. I am not happy with the food I eat sometimes because even if you eat healthier choices at restaurants you are still eating out and its still not as healthy as something you can fix yourself. But when I get home from work at 6:15 or 6:30 after being in the car since 5:00 the last thing I have energy for is to spend 30 minutes to an hour cooking dinner. I also have no creativity or energy to make more interesting things to take with me to work for lunch. It is constantly this vicious cycle that seems to have no real solutions. Since I work most saturdays I have to do my grocery shopping on sundays and sunday is such a short day since I get home at 2:30ish from church. I can fit in a quick nap sometimes then I go to the store or get dad to buy me the same three things every week: bananas, 100 calorie packs, cereal, and bread/lunchmeat for sandwiches. I have no energy to come up with something more interesting to eat so I eat the same thing every day for lunch.

I am really just complaining a lot, but this is the single life. This is my every day real life, the rundown of how I live. It is boring and exhausting and frustrating. And I just keep wondering how long my life will continue to look like this. I just don't understand what God is doing with me. I wish He would make it clear that the 43,000 miles I have put on my brand new car in the last 18 months is for a reason.

Oh life...