Trading My Sorrows

Trading My Sorrows

I'm trading my sorrow
I'm trading my shame
I'm laying it down for the joy of the Lord

I'm trading my sickness
I'm trading my pain
I'm laying it down for the joy of the Lord

And we say yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord
Yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord
Yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord Amen

I'm pressed but not crushed persecuted not abandoned
Struck down but not destroyed
I'm blessed beyond the curse for his promise will endure
And his joy's gonna be my strength

Though sorrow may last for the night
His joy comes in the morning.

Where do I begin. My last blog was on September 24th, talking about how horrible and sad and tragic this year has been. Little did I know that days after that it only got worse.

Two days after my 23 year old friend found out she has cancer, we found out one of our dear family friends had cancer. She had been put in the hospital merely a week before for Pneumonia, and then suddenly was diagnosed with cancer. They sent her home for a few days to wait to be admitted to MD Anderson, only to be put back in the hospital in the ICU at MD Anderson for breathing problems. That was on Wednesday October 3rd (her 55th birthday). Over that weekend she developed Sepsis, which is a deathly infection. On Sunday the 7th she was put on a ventilator. The next day, October 8th, her 24 year old son Casey and 18 year old daughter Caitlin, had to make the decision to take her off of life support because there was nothing the doctors could do for her. She went to be with Jesus that night, only a few hours after being taken off the ventilator. Dear, sweet, Casey & Caitlin lost their father, Leanne's husband, 9 and a half years ago due to a tragic motorcycle accident. Caitlin was in 2nd grade, Casey was in 9th grade, and I was in 10th grade. I will never forget that night.

Casey grew to be a close friend of mine during the remainder of high school with many great memories with our friends, and then when we both went to Baylor together. I used to go to lunch/dinner with him and his girl friend that he had since age 14. He is such a great kid, he used to buy my dinner just to be nice.

This past Thursday (the 11th) was the visitation for Leanne. It was such a testament to what an amazing family this is and how loved they are. There were literally hundreds of people there, waiting in line for an hour or more out the door of the funeral home to go in and say a few words to Casey and Caitlin. I was blown away. Over just a couple of days my friends and I who grew up in church with Casey collected a lot of money to buy a visa gift card and make a gift basket for our friends. A couple of friends came in from out of town and several of us were able to be there that night. It was absolutely heartbreaking and made the whole thing so real. Though I did not look at her in the casket, they said she was wearing the dress she would have worn in Casey's wedding this December and that she looked beautiful. Broke my heart.

Leanne was in my mom's bunko group that has been together for so many years. I am not exactly sure when she joined but it was sometime in high school. That group of moms who are all of my friends' mothers is very tight-knit since they spend one monday a month together all year, for so many years, getting together, playing bunko, and talking about their kids that they are so proud of. It is so hard for them to lose a member like this.

Friday was the memorial service. Hundreds of people were there. So many who came from out of town. Friends of Leanne, friends of Casey and Caitlin. It was so good to gather and remember her, to hear memories from some of the ministers from our church, and memories from her kids shared by one of our other dear family friends (Bob A.). Three things stuck out to me the most:
1. Mark spoke to Casey and Caitlin and said: " Your mom is not dead. She is more alive than she has ever been!"
2. Bob shared that when Leanne's husband died that she hugged him and said "I'm so sorry you're having to go through this." Now when Leanne died, her son Casey told Bob "I'm so sorry you're having to go through this", not knowing his mom told him that very thing 10 years ago. What kind of person says that when they just lost a close family member?? Who thinks of others so much before themselves?
3. Mark shared that when they were all leaving Leanne's hospital room for the last time, he saw Casey & Caitlin say to their mom "See you later, mom." (Breaks.my.heart.)

This family is just amazing. I am completely heartbroken for them, it just seems like too much grief for one family. I am so thankful to be living at home so that I can be here to help with anything they need. I have been asking God if this is why He has kept me home so long. If it is, I am happy to be here for my friends.

I have never, ever, been more thankful for eternal life in Heaven because of Jesus dying on the cross. As Mark shared at the memorial service, Leanne is not in Heaven because she was a good person, or because she believe in God. She is in Heaven without a doubt because she put her faith in Jesus Christ and lived it out to everyone around her. Life is so heartbreaking, but thank the Lord for Heaven. Thank you Jesus for dying to save me from my sins.